Parents often do not know what to tell their surviving children. Research has shown that it is best to tell the truth – to explain that the baby has died and will not be coming back. Even if children are too young to understand the concept of the permanence of death, use of the proper words at this stage is important. Children may think that the baby’s death was their fault or be frightened to go to sleep. They need to be reassured that no-one is to blame and that their parents, despite their grief, still love them.

It is thought to be important that siblings be given the chance to attend the funeral service, to say good-bye. Since parents may be too preoccupied with their own grief to cope with them, it is advisable to have another adult whom the children know and like, to help look after them at the service and you might suggest this to the family.

Siblings often show regressive and difficult behaviour in the days after the baby’s death. This can be immensely stressful for the emotionally exhausted parents. They need reassurance that such behaviour is normal and that their own feelings of irritation are also normal.